So I Graduated... Now What?

The Graduation Blues - a phenomenon I know all too well. After all of the quarter-life crises, Mariah moments and other meltdowns about my future, I think it's safe to say that I am an expert. 

The Graduation Blues has several phases, which I'm sure most grads can relate to.

First, you have the realization that graduation is coming sooner than you thought, otherwise known as the "OMG, let me party all I can before it all has to stop!" epiphany. I can relate to this because I think I partied more than I ever did throughout my entire college career during my last few weeks of school. I realized, yeah, it was fun, but I was way too old for the scene. I just wanted to make sure that I went out with a bang and wore all the clothes I had never worn due to my past bookworm ways. This partying phase comes on as an attempt to hide from the fact that now, you have to figure out what comes next in your life.

Next, you start to reflect and think, "Did I choose the right major?" I remember those Kanye lyrics from "All Falls Down" going through my head - "The major that she major in don't make no money, but she can't drop out - her parents will look at her funny." I never questioned my choice of major and I definitely never considered dropping out, but these times will make you question everything. Don't fall victim to it. Stay confident in your choices.

Then, you graduate. The family comes to see you. With the family, comes the questions - what are you doing now? In fact, as I write this, my grandmother is asking me if I'm really going to grad school and that she heard on the news that I won't get a job without it.

Insert Mariah moment here.

Between answering the questions with more and more ridiculous things (my answer is now, "I'm going to NYC on a one-way ticket to seek my fortune") and actually contemplating them, you really have to sit and figure out what you're going to do. The hardest part is actually doing it.

My advice to the world is to stop wallowing. I am trying to take my own advice as I am currently wallowing in a "swine flu"-induced stupor. It's hard, I know, but we - the class of 2009 will prevail. 

Anyway, this will be a series of posts in which you will get advice on professional development and becoming the best you during your down time.

In the meanwhile, remember that sometimes, plans don't work out and the best things happen when you let God surprise you. Just take advantage of every opportunity you get and don't be afraid to fail.

Stay True.

-Aly

The Truly Beautiful Reading List: Life Lessons

Reading for leisure is something that gets more and more difficult as we get older, especially once you get busier at work or you are so consumed with studying textbooks that you can't read anything else. Yet, leisure reading is something that we should never sacrifice no matter how hectic life gets. There is just something about getting lost in a book and letting the author take you to another place or teach you something new.

Make a pact with yourself to read at least one book a month that you don't have to read. If you read a few pages a day, you can easily make this goal a reality!

TB Tip: Reading books will enrich your life and give you an excuse to take some time for yourself and relax. Get lost in the book and distract yourself from your stresses. Try reading on a park bench or near a lake for some added relaxation!

Here are some books that you should check out to kick start your journey! In particular, these books will help you along the way by sharing life lessons and guidance.

1) The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch

This book is the last lecture of a popular professor who was diagnosed with cancer. He maintained a positive outlook on life, despite his prognosis and sought to inspire those around him by sharing his lessons learned from his life experiences. The special on ABC made me cry because it was so moving to realize that we complain everyday while this man was so happy even though he was dying. It made me think. This should definitely help you to see life from a new perspective.

2) Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell

This book is at the top of my reading list because it details the keys to success. It talks about what separates the best from the rest, plain and simple. I think that this alone should inspire you to improve your daily routine and truly develop and utilize the talents that you have.

3) Become a Better You by Joel Osteen
Joel Osteen is so inspirational. I love to watch his broadcasts on television because they always seem to pertain to something going on in my life. His book gives you daily inspiration and a guide to becoming a better person by improving yourself and relationship with others and God. It's definitely worth reading, especially if you like religious books without excess preachiness (made up my own word!).

Inspirational Thought of the Month

“There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.”

- Nelson Mandela

Meditate on this quote and think about what meaning it holds in your life.

Remember, no matter what, don't let someone else determine your destiny. If you don't follow your dreams or achieve your goals, you should only have yourself to blame.

Read more about finding the courage to live the life you are capable of living here.

Finding the Courage to Follow Your Dreams

"You're studying what? Oh..."
"Are you planning on living in a box on the street? Switch majors..."
"You might as well be studying basket-weaving!"
"That's just not feasible."
"You can't do it."

Have you heard any of the above, or something similar? Whoever utters those words to you is trying to discourage you from following your dreams. They might say that they have your best interest at heart, that they're just looking out for you or some other bogus rationale. However, that's just a cover-up for their true intentions. Whatever you do, don't let them stop you from living your dreams and defining your own path in life!

Ignoring the Naysayers, Haters & the Closed-Minded

For some reason, certain people seem to be threatened by those who follow their dreams, no matter what people say. These individuals could legitimately want to hurt you by trying to instill self-doubt and negativity into your "half full" mentality. They could just be bitter because they didn't do what they wanted to do with their lives. Some people, such as parents or relatives, just want you to play it safe because they want you to have a "secure" and "normal" career path.

Regardless of their reasons, the naysayers are trying to put you in a box and limit your potential whether they mean to or not. Now, we all know that you are FAR too fabulous to be placed in the square of the mundane.

Live the Life You've Imagined

Take the road less-traveled!

You only have one life. I know that's cliche, but I swear it is true. Also, we never know how long we have to live it. I know far too well that life is fleeting. Make the most of it! The other people out there who decide that they are too scared to go for it, do not live life to the fullest. Let them cheat themselves, just don't let them cheat you! It will be you on your deathbed saying, "I wish I had done that." - not them.

Try not to let fear of the unknown, failure or rejection keep you away from reaching your goals. There is no such thing as true success without experiencing failure. If one door closes, it just leaves room for the right door to be opened.

Turning Dreams into Reality - The Practical Way


Once you've found it within yourself to ignore the naysayers, it's a whole other story to find the courage to actually live your dream and reach your goals!

Finding or living your dream is more practical than most people think - it actually takes confidence, time, planning and serious introspection. To think, most people actually think you just woke up one day and decided to become a makeup artist all willy-nilly! It might seem that way from an outside perspective, but you have probably secretly had that dream for a long time.

Take the following steps to create your own reality:

1. Create a "life goals journal" or a "goal-setting workbook." Make sure to take some time away from the daily grind and dedicate at least 10 minutes a day to writing about what you want out of life. You can't achieve anything until you have concrete goals.

2. Inspire yourself. It's hard out there for a bold, fabulous risk-taker (You thought I was gonna say pimp...)! Make sure to prepare yourself for criticism or set-backs by repeating a mantra to yourself every morning before you go out into the world. Type it out on a small paper and tape it to your bathroom mirror. This mantra can be anything you find personally inspiring. You can even have more than one for different situations! One of my mantras is: "Don't block your blessings. Embody positivity. Live your dreams every day."

3. Research, Research, Research. If you are going to give your all to doing something, you better make sure that you know everything there is to know about it. Make yourself an expert in whatever field you want to go into. Once you are an expert, you already have an edge and will feel more confident in going after your dream. For instance, doctors know everything about the body. You wouldn't want a doctor who went to Roscoe's Med School and practices out of a van! It's the same for anything you choose to do.

4. Be Yourself. Put a bit of yourself into everything that you do. Be unique! You are already being bold, by going off the beaten path, so why not go all out and let your fabulous personality and creativity shine through? It's easy to look to successful people in your field for inspiration. That's perfectly fine and recommended, but don't try to emulate them. Be the next YOU.

5. Don't Give Up. Times will be guaranteed to get rough along your journey to the top. However, let your true inner strength shine through when you are faced with adversity. It's easy to quit, but you will be cheating yourself if you don't fight past the obstacles that come your way. Whenever you think of quitting, look at it this way - If you quit now, all the work you already did will be in vain and you will have wasted your precious time. That wouldn't be cool at all! Wasting your time is only hurting you. Remember: the night might seem long, but the morning is quickly approaching.

6. Surround Yourself With A+ People. Have you ever heard the saying, "Misery loves company"? Well, it's true! Imagine yourself - a bold, dreamer - surrounded by people who limit themselves to what's "normal" or "expected." It will be ten times harder to stick to your dreams when you are surrounded by such horrible energy. Surround yourself by people who share your goals and also strive for the best! Also, don't let your ego keep you from surrounding yourself with people who know more than you do! That is a key mistake that many people make. If you hang around with A+ people and you're a strong B, it's only a matter of time before they help you to become an A+ too! I'm not saying, ditch people, now. Try to help your friends expand their mentality to one of positivity and success, but if they aren't being open minded and are discouraging you - re-evaluate their position in your life.

Remember, you can do anything that you set your mind to. Only you can limit your potential. Don't let fear or other people decide which path you take in life. Listen to Robert Frost and "take the road less traveled." You might end up somewhere amazing, beyond your wildest dreams!

[5ive]: Ways To Always Look Your Best {on the GO}

We all have those days where we just don't care how we look or what anyone has to say about it. Those days where you don't even mind leaving the house in sweats, hair undone - looking a mess. We have all been there, so there is no shame in admitting it!

Yet, have you ever been caught looking thoroughly unpolished in public, by a friend you haven't seen in ages? All of a sudden, that "I don't give a ----" attitude goes out the window and all kinds of shame kick in. That kind of embarrassment is a horrible feeling! Wait... here is the holy grail of embarrassment...

You're in Publix browsing the ice cream aisle in your pajamas (or what might as well be pajamas... yes, Vickie's PINK counts as pajamas), when all of a sudden you see a great-looking guy, who is impeccably dressed. You want to flirt, but all of a sudden realize you appear to be a bum.

Basically, some opportunities only knock once, so don't be caught unprepared to answer the door!

You might be in college with an amazing internship, but face the facts - if you look like a bum, people will perceive you as such, regardless. It's human nature to make an assessment of people you meet based on your first impression, which includes how people are dressed.

It's hard to look your best 24/7. Lord knows I went on a late-night run to Burger King the other day in my pajamas. Did I care at the time? No. But I was definitely ashamed. I was praying my car wouldn't break down, etc. so I wouldn't have to be seen by a soul. It was not a good feeling. I vowed after that to make sure I never feel that way again.

Here are 5 ways to always look your best on the go. Even if you might not have time to primp and preen, that is no excuse to not look presentable.

1. Always Have an Beauty 911 Kit: Every woman should have these things in her purse/bag at all times. Get a little, cute makeup bag to keep everything organized and portable. Make sure you have extras of your products specifically for this kit.

• Mascara
• Lip gloss or balm (one or two... or several in my case...)
• Blush or bronzer
• Body spray or a perfume sample
• Breath mints or gum
• Oil blotting sheets

This way, even if you leave your house in a rush, you can quickly fix yourself up on the way to your destination (never while driving though)!

2. Plan your outfits in advance: If you plan your daily outfits from at least the night before, accessories and all, you reap several benefits. You can afford to hit the snooze button one more time. Also, you have the added confidence that comes with knowing you are well put together. Life is too short to spend time worrying about why you didn't put more effort into your appearance, especially when something as simple as planning ahead can save you that stress.

3. Buy cute "bum-wear": To avoid potential embarrassing situations, purchase cute yet comfortable lounge wear. You can buy a nice sweatsuit or "comfy" jeans and some nice hoodies so that even if you don't feel like being dressed to the nines to go to the store, you will always look presentable. Note: Say peace out to your ratty high school P.E. uniform. It is NOT okay to wear that in the streets!

4. Stand up straight: Listen to what Grandma told you. Even if you were to wear the ratty, 7 year old P.E. uniform, if you were standing up straight you might look like you were trying to rock a new style. Confidence makes anything look good. Yet, it's hard to be confident when you know you are not presenting yourself to the world as the fabulous chica that you are. I have posture issues because of my scoliosis, but I try to make a constant effort to keep my shoulders back. It has to be a conscious decision to do this.

5. Try to keep a positive attitude: A smile does a lot for one's appearance. Now, I know that nobody is happy at all times. It's impossible. Sometimes mustering up a tiny smile can seem the most gargantuan of tasks. I'm not saying that you should be fake either, but trying your best to accentuate the positive in your life goes a long way. You will feel better and others will feel better about being in your presence. Also, it's free! As India Arie so wisely sung, "It doesn't cost a thing to smile. You don't have to pay to laugh." Hell, even that notion should make you smile with gas prices as high as they are!

Follow these 5 principles and you are guaranteed to feel better about yourself at all times. Again, life is too short to worry about not looking your best!

[True Self]: The Beauty of Risk

Sometimes in life, the best accomplishments are the ones that you risked it all to achieve. You appreciate those victories more because even if you failed at your endeavor, you would still be satisfied in the fact that you gave your whole heart to something. As women, we are cautious with giving our whole hearts to anything lest we get hurt or fail to live up to the perceptions of others. However, giving your whole heart (arteries, ventricles and all) to all that you do is the only way to truly live life the way we were meant to. Don't shortchange yourself out of life because of past hurts or what others think of what you are doing. Trust me, the naysayers are living their lives. Don't let ANYONE stop you from living yours to the maximum. Today, I want you to do something that you have always wanted to do but were scared to. Ask for the promotion you deserve. Pursue that modeling career that you've always wanted to. Go and claim that degree. Get an edgy haircut. Paint your nails lime green. A positive risk is always worthwhile if it will lead to your happiness. A life without regret is beautiful. Truly.

[INTRO//SPEC//TION]: The True Meaning of "Friendship"

Friendship is a term that I feel is taken for granted and thrown around far too loosely. The word "friend" is defined by the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary as:

1 a: one attached to another by affection or esteem b: acquaintance
2 a: one that is not hostile b: one that is of the same nation, party, or group
3: one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)
4: a favored companion

The people who write the dictionary make it seem so simple, but the definition of friendship is complex because it means different things to different people. Some people define their friends as the family that they have chosen for themselves. Others see friendship as something that can change day by day and be ranked on Facebook or Myspace. I feel that people view friendship based on their unique life experiences which shape their insight into the nature of human beings and interpersonal relationships over time (i.e. backstabbing "friends", realizing that you can't depend on every single person in your Top 8, etc.).

Way back when, in kindergarten and elementary school, friendship was a commodity - something to be traded for that Fruit Roll-Up that your mother would never buy for your school lunch. I'm sure that each and every one of us has said, "If you do/give me ______, I'll be your best friend!" Those were the innocent years when we really felt that anybody with a warm smile, gullible mind and delicious candy could be a friend. As the years go by so slowly, yet so fast, it becomes increasingly difficult when you realize that there are people in the world who you can't depend on and who don't have your best interest in their hearts.

In college, I see people with their Myspace Top 8 and Facebook friends and I wonder if the term "friend" really applies. I think now is the time to start categorizing people and bestowing the gift of friendship on a chosen few because only a few really are your friends. Admit it, most people on your Facebook "friends" list are acquaintances or classmates and - that's okay! There is absolutely nothing wrong with having 10 million acquaintances throughout life as long as you are discerning about those who you choose to let into your life more closely. I think that people see the word "acquaintance" as being negative or hurtful to others, so the term friend is used instead. It is a lot easier to sugarcoat things, but the more common that the word "friend" becomes, the more I feel the qualities of a real friend are taken for granted.

I was in high school when I realized that I used the term friendship too recklessly. One night, I was leaving Barnes & Noble at around 10:30 p.m. only to find that my car had a flat tire. I was stranded with a friend of mine from high school. Passersby, including many rude men, did exactly that - passed on by while watching us struggle to change the tire with a tiny, bootleg jack and a cell-phone flashlight. After our vain attempts at changing the unruly tire ourselves, we resorted to looking through our phones to see who we could send an S.O.S. to. I scrolled and scrolled through my phone book and to my extreme shock and sadness, there were maybe 2 people that I felt I could call to help. Now, today, I would be grateful to have 2 true friends to call upon because I know how rare they are. Yet, back then, I really thought that most people in my phone book were actually friends. This was a true epiphany that I think about to this day. How many people could you call to help you change a flat tire at 12 o'clock at night? No, really think about it. Who would leave their boo to come get you? Who would abandon studying for a test the next day because they knew you really needed help?

This is just one example of my random and multiple friendship revelations. I am sure that we all have had similar moments in life where our naivete about friendship and peoples' true intentions is forever broken.

At this point in my life, I define true friendship as such (in a nutshell):

• Even if you haven't spoken for months or longer, you can still get on the phone and feel like you never lost touch and know that you can call on that person for advice regardless.
• Your true friends want to spend time with you and get to know you better. You can just know when someone is putting effort into building or maintaining a friendship - it is a two way street. True friends reach out and reach back when you extend your reach. They will let you know that you are appreciated.
• True friends will be there to help you through difficult times
• They will be there to comfort you when you are crying or make you laugh when you need to (NOTE: not everyone knows what to say when you are hysterical, so just appreciate them for being there to listen)
• True friends are honest, even if the truth hurts. They will tell you that you look like a mess to your face.
• Most importantly, your real friends will be sincerely happy for your success. They want to see you do your best, but are by your side even if you make mistakes.

Throughout my life I presumed that many friends had come and gone, as if they were waves quickly approaching the shore and then slowly drifting away, only to realize that those people may never have been real friends. I truly believe that some people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Not all of those people have to be your true friends, although many may turn out to be. I haven't been around long enough to know who is in my life for the long haul, but I know it's possible. My Grandmother has had some good friends in her life for well over 50 years. Though distance has come between them, I still see that they care about each other and try to stay in touch. My Mom has some friends from her college days that she still speaks to frequently despite distance and busy schedules.

Ideally, your friends should be there at every milestone in your life - good, bad and ugly. They are the people who you want in your wedding party and who know you well enough to plan your dream bachelorette party (including that hot stripper). Your friends will bring you soup when you're sick and come to visit you in the hospital. They will clean up your vomit if you drank too much and make sure that you don't drunk dial the wrong person. They will be there when you have "Mariah moments" (translation: mini mental or emotional breakdowns over a stressful event a la Mariah Carey circa 2003).

Although I describe the idealistic version of friendship, often it doesn't end up like that. I have come to realize that sometimes even the closest of friendships drift apart and nobody is to blame. People grow and change. This growth is necessary for all of us even though its results can hurt. I am sure that as I continue to have experiences with different people, my own definition of friendship might change. Change in life is absolutely necessary. I believe that it is our job to make sure that those changes are for the better - even if that change is catalyzed by life's hard truths.

Friendship.... Just something for you to think about. In this new year, appreciate the true friends that you have in your life because you never know when you might lose them. If you feel like you are losing them, try to get them back if possible. Also, open your heart to new friendships because you never know who God will bring into your life.