[INTRO//SPEC//TION]: The True Meaning of "Friendship"

Friendship is a term that I feel is taken for granted and thrown around far too loosely. The word "friend" is defined by the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary as:

1 a: one attached to another by affection or esteem b: acquaintance
2 a: one that is not hostile b: one that is of the same nation, party, or group
3: one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)
4: a favored companion

The people who write the dictionary make it seem so simple, but the definition of friendship is complex because it means different things to different people. Some people define their friends as the family that they have chosen for themselves. Others see friendship as something that can change day by day and be ranked on Facebook or Myspace. I feel that people view friendship based on their unique life experiences which shape their insight into the nature of human beings and interpersonal relationships over time (i.e. backstabbing "friends", realizing that you can't depend on every single person in your Top 8, etc.).

Way back when, in kindergarten and elementary school, friendship was a commodity - something to be traded for that Fruit Roll-Up that your mother would never buy for your school lunch. I'm sure that each and every one of us has said, "If you do/give me ______, I'll be your best friend!" Those were the innocent years when we really felt that anybody with a warm smile, gullible mind and delicious candy could be a friend. As the years go by so slowly, yet so fast, it becomes increasingly difficult when you realize that there are people in the world who you can't depend on and who don't have your best interest in their hearts.

In college, I see people with their Myspace Top 8 and Facebook friends and I wonder if the term "friend" really applies. I think now is the time to start categorizing people and bestowing the gift of friendship on a chosen few because only a few really are your friends. Admit it, most people on your Facebook "friends" list are acquaintances or classmates and - that's okay! There is absolutely nothing wrong with having 10 million acquaintances throughout life as long as you are discerning about those who you choose to let into your life more closely. I think that people see the word "acquaintance" as being negative or hurtful to others, so the term friend is used instead. It is a lot easier to sugarcoat things, but the more common that the word "friend" becomes, the more I feel the qualities of a real friend are taken for granted.

I was in high school when I realized that I used the term friendship too recklessly. One night, I was leaving Barnes & Noble at around 10:30 p.m. only to find that my car had a flat tire. I was stranded with a friend of mine from high school. Passersby, including many rude men, did exactly that - passed on by while watching us struggle to change the tire with a tiny, bootleg jack and a cell-phone flashlight. After our vain attempts at changing the unruly tire ourselves, we resorted to looking through our phones to see who we could send an S.O.S. to. I scrolled and scrolled through my phone book and to my extreme shock and sadness, there were maybe 2 people that I felt I could call to help. Now, today, I would be grateful to have 2 true friends to call upon because I know how rare they are. Yet, back then, I really thought that most people in my phone book were actually friends. This was a true epiphany that I think about to this day. How many people could you call to help you change a flat tire at 12 o'clock at night? No, really think about it. Who would leave their boo to come get you? Who would abandon studying for a test the next day because they knew you really needed help?

This is just one example of my random and multiple friendship revelations. I am sure that we all have had similar moments in life where our naivete about friendship and peoples' true intentions is forever broken.

At this point in my life, I define true friendship as such (in a nutshell):

• Even if you haven't spoken for months or longer, you can still get on the phone and feel like you never lost touch and know that you can call on that person for advice regardless.
• Your true friends want to spend time with you and get to know you better. You can just know when someone is putting effort into building or maintaining a friendship - it is a two way street. True friends reach out and reach back when you extend your reach. They will let you know that you are appreciated.
• True friends will be there to help you through difficult times
• They will be there to comfort you when you are crying or make you laugh when you need to (NOTE: not everyone knows what to say when you are hysterical, so just appreciate them for being there to listen)
• True friends are honest, even if the truth hurts. They will tell you that you look like a mess to your face.
• Most importantly, your real friends will be sincerely happy for your success. They want to see you do your best, but are by your side even if you make mistakes.

Throughout my life I presumed that many friends had come and gone, as if they were waves quickly approaching the shore and then slowly drifting away, only to realize that those people may never have been real friends. I truly believe that some people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Not all of those people have to be your true friends, although many may turn out to be. I haven't been around long enough to know who is in my life for the long haul, but I know it's possible. My Grandmother has had some good friends in her life for well over 50 years. Though distance has come between them, I still see that they care about each other and try to stay in touch. My Mom has some friends from her college days that she still speaks to frequently despite distance and busy schedules.

Ideally, your friends should be there at every milestone in your life - good, bad and ugly. They are the people who you want in your wedding party and who know you well enough to plan your dream bachelorette party (including that hot stripper). Your friends will bring you soup when you're sick and come to visit you in the hospital. They will clean up your vomit if you drank too much and make sure that you don't drunk dial the wrong person. They will be there when you have "Mariah moments" (translation: mini mental or emotional breakdowns over a stressful event a la Mariah Carey circa 2003).

Although I describe the idealistic version of friendship, often it doesn't end up like that. I have come to realize that sometimes even the closest of friendships drift apart and nobody is to blame. People grow and change. This growth is necessary for all of us even though its results can hurt. I am sure that as I continue to have experiences with different people, my own definition of friendship might change. Change in life is absolutely necessary. I believe that it is our job to make sure that those changes are for the better - even if that change is catalyzed by life's hard truths.

Friendship.... Just something for you to think about. In this new year, appreciate the true friends that you have in your life because you never know when you might lose them. If you feel like you are losing them, try to get them back if possible. Also, open your heart to new friendships because you never know who God will bring into your life.